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CONNECT How often do we pause to be truly present with someone? How often do we hear what the other person is saying and feeling versus filtering it heavily through our own immediate concerns and time pressures? Authentic listening is not easy. We hear the words but rarely do we really slow down to listen and to squint with our ears to hear the emotions, fears, and underlying concerns. Effective leaders speak to influence and motivate; exceptional leaders listen to learn, collaborate and innovate. Of all the competencies critical to sustained leadership, listening is at, or near the top of the list. As the thirtieth U.S. President, Calvin Coolidge, put it, “No man has ever listened himself out of a job.” Despite its value-creating properties, listening is rare for many leaders, and this lack of listening is one of the key reasons leaders derail. Kevin Cashman, The Pause Principle MY TO-DO: Today, I will practice active listening. My goal is to hear the thoughts and feelings behind the words. |
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CONNECT “For leaders to be effective, they need to connect with people. Why? Because you first have to touch people’s hearts before you ask them for a hand. That is the Law of Connection. All great leaders and communicators recognize this truth and act on it almost instinctively. You can’t move people to action unless you first move them with emotion… the heart comes before the head.” John Maxwell, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership MY TO-DO: Am I touching people’s hearts? I will take time to show each person on my team how much I care about them. |
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CONNECT People tend to do a decent job listening to words but often fail to understand what someone is really communicating. This is true because words contain only a fraction, and an often-unreliable fraction, of what is really being conveyed. For this reason, leaders need to develop the ability to listen beyond the words. We need to avoid becoming so distracted by words that we fail to develop the most accurate understanding. We need to develop an understanding of the meaning of someone’s tone, body language, intonation, cadence of speech, and level of excitement in addition to their words. Monty Moran - Love is Free, Guac is Extra MY TO-DO: I will listen to the whole person, not just their words. |
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CONNECT Connecting is never about me. It’s about the person with whom I’m communicating. Similarly, when you are trying to connect with people, it’s not about you – it’s about them. If you want to connect with others you have to get over yourself. You have to change the focus from inward to outward, off of yourself and onto others. And the great thing is that you can do iit. Anyone can. All it takes are the will to change your focus, the determination to follow through, and the acquisition of a handful of skills. Why do many people miss this? I think there are many reasons, but I can tell you why I missed it and why I thought communicating and working with others was all about me: Immaturity; Ego; Failure to Value Everyone; and Insecurity. John C. Maxwell - Everyone Communicates, Few Connect MY TO-DO: I will spend more time recognizing and meeting the needs of others. |
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CONNECT “Everyone needs to know that their job matters to someone. Anyone. Without seeing a connection between the work and the satisfaction of another person or group of people, an employee simply will not find lasting fulfillment. Even the most cynical employees need to know their work matters to someone, even if it’s just the boss.” Patrick Lencione, The Three Signs of a Miserable Job MY TO-DO: I will help my employees see how their work has a positive impact on others. |
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CONNECT “If God had wanted us to talk more than listen he would have given us two mouths rather than two ears. When you ask people about the best leader they ever had, one quality is always mentioned - they are good listeners. They have learned to “sort by others”. When someone says it’s a beautiful day they respond by keeping focus on the speaker.. For example, it sounds like you’re pretty happy today.” Poor listeners “sort by self.” If you express a concern you have they will express a concern they have. Leaders who are good listeners seek first to understand, then to be understood. Ken Blanchard, The Heart of a Leader MY TO-DO: Today I will be more intentional about listening to and focusing on the other person. |
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CONNECT “For leaders to be effective, they need to connect with people. Why? Because you first have to touch people’s hearts before you ask them for a hand. That is the Law of Connection. All great leaders and communicators recognize this truth and act on it almost instinctively. You can’t move people to action unless you first move them with emotion. One key to connecting with others is recognizing that even in a group, you have to relate to people as individuals. General Norman Schwartzkopf remarked, “I have seen competent leaders who stood in front of a platoon and all they saw was a platoon. But great leaders stand in front of the platoon and see 44 individuals, each of whom has aspirations, each of whom wants to live, each of whom wants to do good.” John Maxwell, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership MY TO-DO: Today, I am going to spend time connecting with someone on my team who I don’t already know well, and learn two things about them. |
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CONNECT People are more willing to follow someone with whom they have a relationship. Relationships are built on trust. An open door is a physical demonstration of a willingness to let others in. So is an open heart. To become fully trusted, you must be open to and with others. This means disclosing things about yourself in order to build the basis for a relationship. This means telling others the same things you’d like to know about them - talking about your hopes and dreams, your family and friends, your interests and your pursuits. Certainly disclosing information about yourself can be risky. You can’t be sure that other people will like you, appreciate your candor, agree with your aspirations, buy into your plans, or interpret your words and actions in the way you intend. But by demonstrating the willingness to take such risks, you encourage others to take a similar risk - and thereby take the first steps necessary to build mutual trust, the foundation for any relationship. Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, The Leadership Challenge MY TO-DO: Today I will personally connect with someone on my team and “break the ice” by starting a conversation and sharing something about myself. |
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CONNECT Managerial myth says that leaders shouldn’t get too close to their constituents; that they can’t be friends with people at work. Well, set this myth aside. Over a five-year period researchers observed groups of friends and groups of acquaintances (people who knew each other only vaguely) performing motor-skill and decision-making tasks. The results were unequivocal. The groups composed of friends completed, on average, more than three times as many projects as the groups composed merely of acquaintances. In terms of decision-making assignments, groups of friends were over 20% more effective than groups of acquaintances. Other studies have shown that employees who have a friendly relationship with their manager are two-and-a-half times more satisfied with their jobs. Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner,The Leadership Challenge MY TO-DO: Do members of my team know how much I care about them as individuals? I will make an effort to show them. |
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CONNECT Researchers in human motivation have long talked about two kinds of motivation - extrinsic and intrinsic. People do things either because of external controls - the possibility of a tangible reward if they succeed, or punishment if they don’t - or because of an internal desire. People do something because they feel forced or because they want to. People do something to please others or to please themselves. No surprises when it comes to predicting which condition is more likely to produce extraordinary results. The research is very clear: external motivation is more likely to create conditions of compliance or defiance; self-motivation produces far superior results. There’s even an added bonus. People who are self-motivated will keep working toward a result even if there is no reward. In contrast, people who are externally controlled are likely to stop trying once the rewards or punishment are removed - or as so aptly put by psychologist and motivational expert Edward Deci, “Stop the pay, and stop the play.” Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner,The Leadership Challenge MY TO-DO: I will make more of an effort to help people to see and feel the importance of their work. |
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CONNECT In explaining why particular leaders have a magnetic effect, people often describe them as charismatic. But charisma has become such an overused and misused term that it’s almost useless as a descriptor of leaders. Being charismatic is neither a magical nor a metaphysical quality. It has to do with how people behave. Social scientists have indeed investigated this elusive quality in terms of observable behavior. What they’ve found is that people who are perceived as charismatic are simply more animated than others. They smile more, speak faster, pronounce words more clearly, and move their heads and bodies more often. Charisma, then, can be better understood as energy and expressiveness. The old saying that enthusiasm is contagious is certainly true for leaders. Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner,The Leadership Challenge MY TO-DO: An enthusiastic, engaged team starts with me. I will set the example. |
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CONNECT I am convinced more than ever that good communication and leadership are all about connecting. If you can connect with others at every level - one-on-one, in groups, and with an audience-your relationships are stronger, your sense of community improves, your ability to create teamwork increases, your influence increases, and your productivity skyrockets. What do I mean when I say "connect"? Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them. Why is that important? Because the ability to communicate and connect with others is a major determining factor in reaching your potential. To be successful, you must work with others. And to do that at your absolute best, you must learn to connect. How much healthier would your relationships be if you excelled at connecting? How would your marriage and family life improve? How much happier would your relationships with friends be? How much better would you be at getting along with your neighbors if you were able to connect with them? John C. Maxwell, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect MY TO-DO: Today, I will take the initiative to truly connect with each member of my team. |
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CONNECT Whatever is inside of you, whether positive or negative, will eventually come out when you are communicating to others. The proverb "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he," really is true. That comes across and impacts the way others react to you. People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude. That will either enable you to connect with people and win them over, or it will alienate them and cause you to lose them. In fact, your attitude often overpowers the words you use when speaking to others. As Jules Rose of Sloans' Supermarkets points out, "The exact words that you use are far less important than the energy, intensity, and conviction with which you use them." People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude. People who are able to connect with others on an emotional level often have what could be called presence or charisma. They stand out in a crowd. Other people are drawn to them. As someone observed, "People will not always remember what you said. They will not always remember what you did. But, they will always remember how you made them feel." John C. Maxwell, Everyone Communicates Few Connect MY TO-DO: I will check my attitude to ensure it’s positive when I speak to others. |
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CONNECT Good teachers know that the fundamental law of learning is repetition. Someone once told me that people have to hear something sixteen times before they really believe it. That seems extreme, yet I do know that repetition is essential in communication if you want people to understand and buy into what you're saying. William H. Rastetter, who taught at MIT and Harvard before becoming CEO of IDEC Pharmaceuticals Corporation, asserts, "The first time you say something, it's heard. The second time, it's recognized, and the third time, it's learned." John C. Maxwell, Everyone Communicates Few Connect MY TO-DO: I will over communicate the things that are most important for others to know. |
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CONNECT When I communicate with people, I do something that I call putting a 10 on their heads. By that I mean that I see everyone as having the potential to be a "10" on a scale of 1 to 10. One of the reasons I do this is that I'm naturally positive. I believe God created every person with value and incredible potential. But the other rea- son I do this is because I believe most of the time people respond to the expectations of others. If I see someone as a 5, I'll treat him or her as a 5 and speak to this person as a 5. And more than likely, after a while I'll convince this person to act as a 5. What's the value in that? However, if I see someone as a 10, he or she will sense that and is likely to respond in a positive way. If we treat people as who they can become, they will be inspired to rise to the level of our expectations. John C. Maxwell, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect MY TO-DO: I will see people as a “10”, treat them as a “10”, and help them be a “10”. |
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CONNECT How often are we truly present with someone? How often do we pause, set aside all our concerns past, present, and future and completely "be there" for someone else? How often do we really hear what the other person is saying? And feel it without filtering it heavily through our own immediate concerns and time pressures? Authentic listening is not easy. We hear the words, but rarely do we really listen. We hear the words, but do we also "hear" the emotions, fears, beliefs, and underlying concerns? As Peter Drucker noted, “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.” Authentic listening is not a technique. It involves deep care for the other person that goes beyond our self-centered needs. It is about standing in their shoes or seeing through their eyes. It is about empathy. Listening authentically is centered on the principle of psychological reciprocity: to influence others, we must first be open to their influence. Authentic listening is the attempt to place the other person's self-expression as primary at that moment. Kevin Cashman, Leadership from the Inside Out MY TO-DO: Today, I will listen to hear and feel what the other person is saying. |